I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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