my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i think i just lost a toe
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
