it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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