True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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