FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
