I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
