DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
