I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
