I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
