ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
