My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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