I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
