DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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