Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
