How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
