just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
