I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
