I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
