do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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