I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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