Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
