the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
