so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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