Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
