U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
