maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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