and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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