i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
