i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
