My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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