why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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