Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
