you guys were way drunker than both of me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
