nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
