do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
