no, he came in my armpit
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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