oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
