We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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