That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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