Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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