i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
