i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
