gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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