Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize