he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
