Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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