i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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