i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize