Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
