woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
