Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
