You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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