Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You're like the curious george of whores
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
