my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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