Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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