Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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