i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
