I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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