so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
