She's JV to your varsity
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
