cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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