Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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