did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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