my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize