You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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