there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
