It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
