I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
